I'm not sure if anyone even follows me to begin with. I use xanga every now and then as a personal blog to write about my life. I don't like to share this blog with many people. I've made a tumblr (which is connected to my facebook) for more public thoughts. I like to write creatively. So, if you're interested, read it sometime :) I mainly write about abstract things, such as life, meanings, and other topics which I soon will touch. The link to it is here:

http://x3kimmie.tumblr.com

Thanks!

Death is expected yet unexpected. It creeps up slowly. You never know when it’s coming for you. It feels like a dream, and I’m waiting to wake up. It’s surreal. Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet. But I don’t know how else to handle it. I’m okay…I’m fine. The only things I can say. I’ve never thought this would happen to me. I thought things would get better as I grew up. Yet, they haven’t. I have dealt with so much and, it seems, I’ll remain fighting through one hardship after another. It makes me stronger though. I feel much stronger, and alive, than I have over the last couple of years. I always tell myself, and others, that everything happens for a reason. I’m left with no choice but to accept that it must have happened for some reason. Whatever reason it is, I’m sure it isn’t bad. Why would it be?

      Her last words…keep replaying in my head. I won’t ever be able to forget it. “I love you.” And that was it. Three simple words that meant a lot more than anyone could understand. Three words that I have been waiting for so long to hear. Yet, it took this long for me to hear them. I’m glad I finally did. I don’t regret anything. I do look back on it all and realize nothing was my fault. The most painful part though; is seeing her try so many times to just take her final fall down. Life is a strange concept. It’s not one that needs to be understood. For life can hold many different meanings. My motto is to live to prove everyone wrong. I have a couple others, too. But, I don’t think there is a meaning to life. I feel it is better that way. The mystery of life keeps me striving. So, It needs not to be defined.

      Where do we go after death? Is it as simple as going to heaven? Or, is that what we are hoping for? I try to picture in my head just falling asleep and never waking up. Do we stay asleep and just dream? I’m not sure. I do feel slightly confident in one theory though, and that is reincarnation. I do believe in it because life begins as quickly as it ends. The hourglass is still emptying for me. It’s something that, unlike in board games, is irreversible. Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate all the mystery there is in what we call, life. Learn how to live. There’s a simple art to it, just as there is in everything. Life is a two sided Kandinsky. Paint it however you desire. I believe the most important thing is to be different. One out of billions. As you cross the bridge out, you must pay the toll. It isn’t free to be born, nor is it free to die.

1. Me.
2. Apple pie.
3. anything really sweet in general.
4. My laptop.
5. Web Design.
6. Graphic Design.
7. My awesome blue furry monster laptop sleeve.
8. Taking walks with my iPod.
9. Summer.
10. TV (a little too much)
11. Video games.
12. My 360 to be exact.
13. Quirky people.
14. Cleaning.
15. Art. (abstract mainly).
16. Taking random pictures of anything.
17. How peaceful it is before right before sunrise.
18. The beach.
19. Walking along the beach, especially at night.
20. Cute animals lol. I'm so gay.
21. My goldfish @_@
22. My dog as annoying as she is...
23. People with interesting stories.
24. Sleeping in late.
25. Taking long showers.
26. Love.
27. Technology.
28. Bubble wrap.
29. Stepping on bubble wrap.
30. Amazon.com.
31. Call of Duty, MW2
32. Beautiful Katamari.
33. Being a smartass.
34. Sarcasm.
35. Sitting on trees!
36. Going to class...Oh, I'm a nerd >_>
37. Being around people.
38. Looking out of the car window.
39. New York.
40. Arcades.
41. Kickboxing.
42. Tank tops!
43. Saying random things to confuse people.
44. Smiling.
45. Laughing.
46. UNO!
47. Going to the city.
48. seeing happy people.
49. seeing kids play. (oh how I miss times like those)
50. YOU!

1. Getting called into work early. (Like today)
2. Raw onions.
3. Peas.
4. Pets that shed a shit load of hair.
5. Sean Paul (WTF ARE YOU SAYING?!)
6. Guys that don't show no emotion whatsoever.
7. Being lazy.
8. Dogs that cry too much.
8. People that walk slow.
9. People that yell on their phone in public.
10. Co-workers that don't do their job.
11. The cold weather.
12. Valentines Day (because it's going to be horrible this year)
13. Hungry Man.
14. Police!
15. Annoying guido neighborhood kidzzzzzzz
16. ALL Chocolate cereals
17. Boring people
18. Cleaning up after my dog
19. Pre-calculus
20. Knowing that I lost my graphing calculator and will be buying another one soon.
21. Amazon's commission.
22. Bidding on Ebay.
23. Most rap music.
24. Country music and their wild west stories.
25. Public Transportation.
26. Who stole the cookie from my MOTHERFUCKING cookie jar?!?!
27. The asshole who stole my PSP.
28. Party crashers.
29. People with horrible accents that teach math.
30. colored jeans.
31. Germs.
32. Alarm clocks.
33. Waldo...That bastard thinks he's all clever, but he's NOT!
34. Septum and Monroe piercings. They just look strange to me.
35. Mail begging me for donations.
36. Clocking in work.
37. Cigarettes
38. People who smoke cigarettes.
39. People who say they can't quit smoking.
40. Drugs. Just all of them.
41. The one kid in every class that will never shut up.
42. The number 42.
43. Sneezing.
44. I love New York. (that black chick)
45. Obama. In some ways.
46. Mopping floors.
47. Money.
48. Celebrities.
49. Falling down the stairs.
50. Forgetting one thing that I had to buy once I left the store.


And many other things I can't remember.

I would be on a mountain enjoying the beautiful views. I've been trapped on this damned island for so long. I don't know what the rest of the world looks like in person. I've only been to four states in my entire life. I want to see everything someday. I live in the city and although I love it at times, I also hate it. I think many people take for granted what we really have in this world. I think nature is one of the most precious things we should preserve. I've seen many pictures and videos of what places look like and I really want to visit them in person. I can only dream until then. I wonder what this world is going to look like twenty years from now...